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ABUSE MYTHS
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Myths and Facts About
LGBT Partner Abuse
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Myths About LGBT
Abuse: |
Facts About LGBT
Abuse: |
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"Women are not
abusive - only men are." |
Anyone of any gender
can be abusive. |
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"LGBT people are
always equal in relationships. It is not abuse, it is a
relationship struggle." |
Two women or two men
in a relationship do not automatically guarantee equality.
Relationship struggles are never equal if abuse is involved. |
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"Abusive gay men or
lesbians are more "butch," larger, apolitical or have social
lives that revolve around the bar culture." |
Abuse occurs
regardless of gender, race, class, religion, age, political
affiliation, lifestyle, or physical attributes. |
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"LGBT violence is
caused by drugs, alcohol, stress, childhood abuse." |
While these factors
can be important, they do not excuse the abuse. |
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"LGBT abusers have
been abused/oppressed are therefore not as responsible for what
they do." |
There is never
an excuse for abuse. |
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"It is easier for an
LGBT person to leave her/his abusive partner than it is for a
heterosexual person to leave her abusive partner." |
It is never easy to
leave an abusive relationship, but there is help and hope for
everyone. |
Abuse in LGBT Relationships Versus Abuse in Straight Relationships:
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What is the
Same: |
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Abuse is
always the responsibility of the abuser.
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Victims are
often blamed for the abuse by partners, and sometimes even
family, friends and professionals often excuse or minimize
the abusive behavior.
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It is
difficult for victims to leave abusive relationships.
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Abuse is
never an acceptable or healthy way to solve difficulties in
relationships, regardless of orientation.
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Victims feel
responsible for their partner's violence and their partner's
emotional state, hoping to prevent further violence.
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Abuse
usually worsens over time.
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The abuser
is often apologetic after abusing, giving false hope that
the abuse will stop.
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Some or all
of the following effects of abuse may be present: shame,
self-blame, physical injuries, short and long-term health
problems, sleep disturbances, being constantly on guard,
social withdrawal, lack of confidence, low self-esteem,
anxiety, depression, feelings of hopelessness, shock, and
dissociative states.
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What is Different: |
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Very limited
services exist specifically for abused lesbians and gay men.
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LGBT people
often experience a lack of understanding of the seriousness
of the abuse when reporting incidences of violence to a
therapist, police officers, or medical personnel.
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Homophobia/Transphobia
in society denies the reality of LGBT people's lives,
including the existence of same-sex relationships, let alone
abusive ones. When abuse exists, attitudes can often range
from 'who cares' to 'these relationships are generally
unstable or unhealthy.'
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Shelters for
abused women may not be sensitive to same-sex abuse
(theoretically, shelters are open to all women and
therefore, a same-sex victim may not feel safe as her abuser
may also have access to the shelter). Abused gay men and
transgender people have even fewer places to turn for help
in that there are no agency sponsored safe places to stay.
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In LGBT
relationships, there may be additional fears of losing the
relationship which confirms one's sexual orientation; fears
of not being believed about the abuse and fears of losing
friends and support within the LGBT communities.
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