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Questions & Answers
about Gay, Lesbian,
Bisexual and Transgender People
From P-FLAG (Parents-Friends of Lesbians and Gays),
www.pflag.org
Is there something
wrong with being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender?
No. There have been people in all cultures and times throughout
human history who have identified themselves as gay, lesbian,
bisexual or transgender (GLBT). Homosexuality is not an illness or a
disorder, a fact that is agreed upon by both the American
Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association.
Homosexuality was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
(DSM) of the American Pyschiatric Association in 1974. Being
transgender or gender variant is not a disorder either, although
Gender Identity Dysphoria (GID) is still listed in the DSM of the
American Pyschiatric Association. Being GLBT is as much a human
variation as being left-handed - a person's sexual orientation and
gender identity are just another piece of who they are. There is
nothing wrong with being GLBT - in fact, there's a lot to celebrate.
What is wrong are discriminatory laws, policies and attitudes that
persist in our schools, workplaces, places of worship and larger
communities.
What is sexual
orientation?
A person's sexual orientation is defined by their enduring
emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction to other
people. Heterosexual (or straight) refers to people whose sexual and
romantic feelings are primarily for people of the opposite sex.
Homosexual (or gay and lesbian) refers to people whose sexual and
romantic feelings are primarily for those of the same sex. The term
lesbian refers to women who are homosexual. Bisexual (or bi) refers
to people whose sexual and romantic feelings are for people of both
sexes. Other terms that people use to describe their sexual
orientation are "queer" and "questioning."
What is gender
identity and expression?
A person's gender identity is their internal sense of being male or
female. Gender expression is how someone presents their gender to
the world. We all have a gender identity, and we all have ways of
expressing it. Our society has a narrow view of what it means to be
a woman or a man, and we learn that from an early age. Those who are
visibly gender-variant face increased risk of harassment in school,
unemployment, homelessness, hate violence, lack of access to health
care and loss of custody of their children. But many create
supportive communities where they can be who they are. PFLAG
envisions a society that embraces everyone, including those of
diverse gender identities.
What does Transgender
mean?
A transgendered person is someone whose gender identity or
expression differs from conventional expectations for their physical
sex. The term transgender is used to describe several distinct but
related groups of people who use a variety of other terms to
self-identify. Transgendered people can include transsexuals (not
all transsexual people need or want sex reassignment surgery),
masculine women, feminine men, drag queens/kings, cross-dressers,
gender queers, two-spirit, butches, transment, transwomen, etc. Like
other people, transgender people can be straight, gay, lesbian or
bisexual.
Who are intersexed
people?
Intersexed people are individuals born with anatomy or physiology,
which differs from cultural and/or medical ideals of male and
female. The medical term "hermaphrodite" has been commonly used, but
is not accepted by many intersex people. It is standard medical
practice to assign a sex at birth to individuals born with intersex/atypical
anatomy or physiology and to perform surgeries beginning in infancy
and often continuing into adolescence, before a child is able to
give informed consent. The Intersex Society of North America has
labeled this practice genital mutilation and opposes surgery on
infants and children.
How are sexual
orientation and gender identity determined?
No one knows exactly how sexual orientation and gender identity
determined. However, experts agree that it is a complicated matter
of genetics, biology, psychological and social factors. For most
people, sexual orientation and gender identity are shaped at any
early age. While research has not determined a cause, homosexuality
and gender variance are not the result of any one factor like
parenting or past experiences. It is never anyone's "fault" if they
or their loved one grows up to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or
transgender. If you are asking yourself why you or your loved one is
GLBT, consider asking yourself another question: Why ask why? Does
your response to a GLBT person depend on knowing why they are GLBT?
Regardless of cause, GLBT people deserve equal rights and to be
treated fairly.
Can gay people change
their sexual orientation or gender identity?
There are religious and secular organizations which sponsor
campaigns and studies touting that GLBT people can change their
sexual orientation or gender identity. Their assertions assume that
there is something wrong with being GLBT - the largest problem is,
in fact, society's intolerance of difference. Many of the studies
and campaigns are based on ideological bias rather than solid
science. Claims of conversion from gay to straight tend to be poorly
documented, full of flawed research with a lack of follow-up. No
studies show proven long-term changes in gay or transgender people,
and many reported changes are based solely on behavior and not a
person's actual self-identity. The American Psychological
Association has stated that scientific evidence does not show that
conversion therapy works and that it can do more harm than good.
How does someone know
they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered?
Some people say that they have "felt different" or knew they were
attracted to people of the same sex from the time they were very
young. Some transgender people talk about feeling from an early age
that their gender identity did not match parental and social
expectations. Others do not figure out their sexual orientation or
gender identity until they are adolescents or adults. Often it can
take a while for people to put a label to their feelings, or
people's feelings may change over time. Understanding our sexuality
and gender can be a life-long process, and people shouldn't worry
about labeling themselves right away. However, with positive images
of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people more readily
available, it is becoming easier for people to identify their
feelings and come out at earlier ages. People don't have to be
sexually active to know their sexual orientation - feelings and
emotions are as much a part of one's identity. The short answer is
that you'll know when you know.
Why do people "come
out"?
Coming out is a way for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered
people to live their lives openly and honestly. Hiding one's sexual
orientation or gender identity can be very stressful, lonely and
isolating. Coming out is an affirming way for GLBT people to connect
with others in vibrant and diverse GLBT communities. GLBT people
come out because staying "in the closet" keeps the important people
in their lives from knowing about a big part of their identity.
Coming out can be a difficult decision, because many GLBT people
fear rejection from their families, friends, employers and religious
institutions. It is important to turn to supportive people for
advice, and to have a plan if a person has reason to fear how their
parents, employers, classmates or teachers will respond to them
coming out. PFLAG can help.
For many, the stress of keeping a secret from the people they are
close to ultimately outweighs the fear of losing acceptance and
love. Coming out is an important decision that people should be able
to make on their own terms - when they want to, to whom they want
to.
How do I come out to
my family and friends?
There are many questions to consider before coming out. Are you
comfortable with your sexuality and gender identity/expression? Do
you have support? Can you be patient? What kind of views do your
friends and family have about homosexuality and gender variance? Are
you financially dependent on your family? Make sure you have thought
your decision through, have a plan and supportive people you can
turn to. And be prepared for the stages that your family or loved
ones may go through upon learning you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or
transgender. Coming out can cause shock, denial, guilt and grief.
However, PFLAG was founded because of the unconditional love of
parents for their gay children. Your loved ones will need time to
adjust to your news, the same way you may have needed time to come
to terms with yourself. However, true acceptance is possible,
especially with education and support.
What do I do if
someone comes out to me? How can I support my GLBT loved one?
Learning that a loved one is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered
can be a difficult discovery. It can send you on an emotional roller
coaster ride. You may feel like you have lost a loved one. Remember
that this person is the same one that you loved before they came out
to you - they have just shared another part of themselves with you.
Feelings of grief, guilt and denial are natural given some of our
society's attitudes towards homosexuality and gender variance.
However, you owe it to your loved one -and yourself- to move towards
acceptance and understanding. Whatever your reaction, reassure your
loved one that they still have your love. PFLAG offers local support
and education to help with that process.
Can gay people have
families?
YES. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people can have
families. Same-sex couples do form committed and loving
relationships. In the United States many same-sex couples choose to
celebrate their love with commitment ceremonies or civil unions,
although these couples are not offered the rights and benefits of
marriage. In Vermont, same-sex couples can have a state civil union
that offers some of the benefits of marriage to resident couples.
More and more GLBT couples are also raising children together,
although state laws on adoption and foster parenting vary. And of
course, many GLBT people have the support of the loving families
they were born into, or the families that they have created with
their other friends and loved ones.
How can I reconcile
my or my loved one's sexual orientation with my faith?
This is a difficult question for many people. Learning that a loved
one is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered can be a challenge if
you feel it is at odds with your faith tradition. However, being
GLBT does not impact a person's ability to be moral and spiritual
any more than being heterosexual does. Many GLBT people are
religious and active in their own faith communities. It is up to you
to explore, question and make choices in order to reconcile religion
with homosexuality and gender variance. For some this means working
for change within their faith community, and for others it means
leaving it. There are many resources to help you in this journey.
What about HIV/AIDS?
Since the onset of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, many people have viewed
HIV/AIDS as a gay issue. The GLBT community mobilized early in the
epidemic to formulate a response that included educating
communities, creating visibility to reduce stigma, developing
prevention strategies and advocating for appropriate care and
treatment options for People Living with AIDS (PWAs). Yet the
epidemic has continued to progress and take its toll on many
communities globally. Still, despite overwhelming statistics
documenting the spread of HIV/AIDS in other communities, many people
still choose to view HIV/AIDS as a gay issue.
The truth is that being
GLBT does not give you AIDS. Certain sexual practices, certain drug
use behaviors and other factors can put you at risk for catching
HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, as well as other sexually
transmitted diseases (STDs). Everyone needs to get the facts about
HIV/AIDS.
HIV is spread by sexual
contact with an infected person, by sharing needles and/or syringes
(primarily for drug injection) with someone who is infected, or,
less commonly (and now very rarely in countries where blood is
screened for HIV antibodies), through transfusions of infected blood
or blood clotting factors. Babies born to HIV-infected women may
become infected during birth or through breast-feeding after birth.
While research has revealed a great deal of valuable information, a
lot of false or misleading information, often fueled by homophobia,
continues to be shared widely through the Internet or popular press,
so be sure to consider the source when educating yourself about
HIV/AIDS.
If your loved one is
presently HIV-positive or has AIDS, they now need your support more
than ever. You should know that you are not alone. There are
numerous local and national organizations that can help you with
medical, psychological and physical care. PFLAG can refer you to
other parents, families and friends in similar situations, and
resources specific to your needs.
Why should I support
gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights?
GLBT rights are not special rights. PFLAG works to achieve equal
civil rights for all people, including our gay, lesbian, bisexual
and transgendered (GLBT) loved ones. Because our GLBT children,
friends and family members deserve the same rights as our straight
ones; because discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender
identity is still legal; because a GLBT person can be fired from
their job simply because of who they love or how they express their
gender; because same sex couples cannot legally be married in the
United States; because GLBT youth face constant harassment and abuse
in schools across the country; because the road to full equality and
acceptance is a long one - YOUR LOVED ONES NEED YOU to take a stand
for fairness.
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